Working on Fabulous at 50

Ran across this 50th aniversary tribute book http://fab.com/sale/3307/product/67513/ Perseus passionate books “I Love Ken;My Life as the Ultimate Boyfriend”
by Jef Beck . My love of all things Barbie led me, as well as Amazons awesome Editorial Reviews, to discover a whole new world, er blog, dedicated to her accessory boyfriend Ken. Its called Keeping Ken, http://www.manbehindthedoll.com/ and its totally devoted to Kens story.

Turns out that the Barbie anti-tatoo policy has a history. There was a failed attempt with Butterfly Art Steven, an African American version of Ken, circa 1998, who came with a tiny package of the forbidden tatoo transfers. Withdrawn based on the controversial body marking issue.

Returning to my original train of thought, its interesting how deep the character story line for a toy runs when it includes an accessory awesome boyfriend, sister, and best girls, along with the clothes, cars, and shoes. Oh those shoes.

But what about the simple lives of all these handbag level beings? I was thrilled to think that my doppleganger had created a Ken site. He must be doing deep social and psychological analysis on the meaning of being forced into the role of disposible and always secondary life partner. Ken is the guy behind the girl but how did he manage his zenlike devotion, perfection and perkiness? I found this dialog from Toy Story 3.

” Ken: So, who’s ready for Ken’s dream tour?
Lotso: Let’s show our new friends where they’ll be staying!
Ken: Uh, folks, if you’ll just want to step right this way…
[he sees Barbie]
Ken: Hi, I’m Ken.
Barbie: Barbie. Have we ever met?
Ken: I would have remembered.
[she laughs]
Ken: Love your leg wamers!
Barbie: Nice ascot!

and later…
Ken: [Giving Andy’s toys a tour of the daycare, Ken passes his dollhouse] And this… well, this is where I live. It’s got a disco, it’s got a dune buggy, and a whole room just for trying on clothes.
Barbie: [gasps] You have everything!
Ken: Everything… except someone to share it with…
[he walks away]
Barbie: [sighs lovingly]”

Alas, I found that the site was just an awesome history and doll collector’s guide. It was as superficial as poor uncomplicated Ken.

I wondered how the model of Ken, the guy that dresses well, always arrives with flowers and candy, is somehow strong, handsome, wealthy and probably has a trust fund because he seems unemployed, has effected relationships between men and women for our generation. On the day before Valentine’s Day, I wonder about the messages that we could attribute to toys with character.

Maybe those first boyfriend expectations are more based on Ken than the actual men in our lives. It is fantasy but reality could be the version that looks like, Bobby Brown and Whitney or Chris Brown and Rianna. If we start out thinking men will be a color coordinated extension of our matching purse and scarf. Of course, we will expect them to share our household chores with a smile. We’re startled and unprepared when they ignore us for their friends and act angry. Superficial expectations.

Maybe I’m taking this toy design too seriously. Maybe thats why Barbie is the only adult toy to kids. The rest are all animals. Its easier that way. But one thing is sure. Accessory toys deserve their own rich lives. Thats what I’m thinking.

Went to our first meetup and it was great. I don’t get out much these days so it was a great opportunity for me to practice some rusty social skills.

One of the ideas that came up, which is awesome, is for us to help each other by participating in one of the activities that the group members suggest. This is to support each other and create a community. Really fantastic idea so I hope I can do this. The idea of Happiness being linked to a strong community was sort of one of the conclusions to the movie “Happy” that I went to see yesterday to celebrate “World Happy Day”.

I also had the realization that I want to have a goal of “52 acts of service” for the year. Maybe not every one will be doing an actual community service activity, but I always say that I will do some community service but never do. So at least every 3 months, I’m going to do something. Also, I don’t give myself credit for the stuff that I do already. Some things like helping my daughters with the kids or participating in the group activities will count.

We talked about an aha moment. Since we are bound by privacy, I won’t share what others shared. My aha moment was when my parents passed. I realized that life is short and so I better change my actions if I wanted to have the obit that I wanted. Sort of morbid but it motivated me to really consider happiness. You get the face you’ve worn all of your life when you’re old. I want smile lines.

Blogs ‘r us – I realized that everyone probably has at least the makings of a somewhat interesting blog in their own life. Many of the folks in the group have them. I liked that and I’m looking forward to sharing online. One thing that I’ve noticed is that I like people but its hard to talk.

I realized that so often I feel the urge when I go to a meeting to find out the basic information about each person. Its mingle mind. Just enough information to “identify the demographic” as my friend puts it. One of the chapters of the book is about how Gretchen learned to stop telling people they were wrong at cocktail parties. She caught herself always responding negatively when making small talk. She tried listening deeply. So for the meeting I tried that and for my next dinner party invitation.

What I realized is that I like to know the superficial stuff and then I go off talking then people walk away. So after I read that in the book at the next party I was at I tried staying in one place and listen to one person. It was hard because my natural urge was to go meet other people. I listened insteat of talking and it was really a soul moment. Connected deeply with someone that I had known but not really realized that I didn’t know at all. It was a great lesson.

My natural urge for the meeting was to meet everyone there and hear their story. I had one of those Disney Family Vacation style fails. We were suppose to each be prepared to share three things that we were going to put in our Happiness Project. I only had two but had worked really hard to be prepared. I was really looking forward to the part of the meeting where each person, in order, like we were in girl scouts, introduced themself and said their things. I imagined my turn so I wouldn’t get nervous and forget. This would allow me to experience my mingle mind of superficial communication and I thought satisfy me. Of course we never did that. I came away frustrated at first.

As I reflected on this I realized that I have 3 communication goals. 1. Figure out how to tell when I’m overtalking. I was so afraid of overtalking that it was really hard to say more than a few sentences. http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-You-Talk-Too-Much
2. Learn how to break in when someone else is obviously off on a run. Of course this is sometimes how you get to have that great deep understanding of someone but I’ve never learned a good way to break in when I have a question. 3. Learn to tell an interesting story. I sometimes start to talk and forget what I was going to say and lose track, fade away and seem sort of insane. Need to practice thinking the whole story through so I can quickly make my point and know that its enjoyable for others.

It was a good first meeting.

“Fog” by Pacific Voyagers
I love reading these blogs. The canoes are just around some of the whale breeding lagoons of the coast of Mexico. Breathtaking written images as they describe their journeys. http://www.pacificvoyagers.org/voyage/blogs/whale-grave-yard.html

Very interesting blogs in the last few days about when they didn’t eat a sunfish and pondering ancient travelers. Did someone make this journey a thousand years ago? Adventure is in man’s nature.

Found an amazing series of oil paintings by Taiwanese Artist Pei-Hang HUANG www.akigallery.com.tw . She starts with these amazingly beautiful flowery pictures that depict Barbie at her most glorious perfection. As you look further into her series you begin to the the scars behind the fairy tale. Amazing depth.

“I wish that my life can be as Barbie, always remain in the very best moment.” Pei-Hang

I think that toys connect us to deep truth. They help us instantly go into a moment of joy but allow us to explore more deeply as we play. Its hard design an object that is so compelling.

What makes a joyful and deep experience? How do you feel when you have or hold that toy? What is the story that you can tell when you play with the toy?

Some thoughts about childrens voices with respect to toys;

That looks fun, or funny, or ridiculous. Its friendlyWow, look what I can do with thisI made this, its specialWhen I go here, I can do this

Barbie represents that magical perfect adult woman. She’s thin and happy and has her life together with all those careers and a perpetual boyfriend. She always smiles. Even in Pei-Hangs paintings of her funeral. My grandaughter wanted her to have a pink convertable so thats what we got her for xmas. What else would Barbie drive?

Maybe the values or the imaginary possibilities of toys are what make them core. Fun can be had with a cardboard box, or a water hose but being sent to your room to spend time playing and feeling comfort requires a good story. I wonder if thats what video game developer school is all about?

The reality for old barbies is that they are discarded when their hair is unmanagable. They are old and no longer pretty. I’ve seen them at yard sales and thrift stores as piles of naked, ratty haired plastic. This doesn’t happen to teddy bears. Teddy bears just get better with age and worn out fur. Sort of like old actresses. I have this image of a series of aging Barbie from maiden to crone to hag.

Maybe a good toy comes from a good Jungian archetype. Probably. Its about a good character.

Woke up at 6am today so I got up and I finished reading the book. That was the assignment for the group that I have joined, along with thinking of 3 resolutions. The meetup group is on Thursday and my friend is going with me.

Lots of the ideas are things that are found right on 43things so I suspect others have also read the book and are working on their own projects. There were ideas like one sentence journals, gratitude lists, doing happy stuff. One idea was that there is a difference between goals and resolutions. A goal is something you reach but a resolution is about how you are.

A big theme in the book is this idea that everyones happiness project is individual. What one person finds fun might not be what you find fun at all. Find your own bliss and make your own bliss list. At one point the author decides to start a collection of Bluebirds. I really liked that and at the end of the book I decided to make a little bluebird reminder to keep by my computer.

Thats when I had a wonderful realization. I already have my own bluebird right here at my own home. I have a little blue scrub jay that waits for me to get up every day and sit at my desk. If I open the window I’ll see her sit on our bird feeder and wait for me to feed her.

She’s not a happy, chirpy, lovely birdsong sort of creature. She’s loud and horrible. She chases off the other creatures so she can have all the food. Se has OCD. If I put out peanuts, she comes and picks up each one in her little beak and weighs it an puts it down first before she takes any, like she’s counting them. I thought it was the squirrels digging holes but it turns out it was probably her. They like acorns and accidently plant them because they bury the seeds. I suspect they keep track of the trees too with their counting obsession.

I told my SO about the book and the bluebirds and such. He suggested that we could have a whole collection of “Flat Birds” to go with our “Flat Cat”. I told him I was going to make him a screen saver of a herd of cats to help him feel more humor about herding programmers.

Then I realized that I could make pencil holders out of my stupid plastic creamer bottles and modge podge the bluebird pictures on them and keep them on my desk. Sort of killing two birds with one stone…haha